I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
