We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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