remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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