Grow some girl-balls and come out already
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
