So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I believe in your delicious
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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