i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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