she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
