Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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