i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
