So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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