yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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