I wannas sexs uuuuu
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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