My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
