ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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