the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
