I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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