...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
