So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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