Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize