I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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