if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no you cant smoke seaweed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
