I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
