i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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