the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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