do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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