Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
