i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
