Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
