is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize