why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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