I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
