I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was born a porn star she said
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
