she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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