I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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