So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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