I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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