sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
