I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
