i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pants are for mortals
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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