Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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