we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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