She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
