Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
