I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
