I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
