I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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