Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
