3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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