just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
