I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
