YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
