maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
