Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
