Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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