Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is Oprah even human
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
