im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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