one might say we're banned from that church
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
