The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
