Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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