Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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