She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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