I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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