just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
