Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My dick has a subreddit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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