this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
