in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
