Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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