Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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