Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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