I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
