am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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