she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize