you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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