Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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