I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize