Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
