I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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