please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
