He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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