the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
