I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
