Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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