32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
