you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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