Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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