He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize