I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
