In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
