Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
