On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sex in a hospital.. check
I have fence marks all over my body
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize