I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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