You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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