I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
