Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
