Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
