I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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