So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize