I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
