If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
