College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
