You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
